The Energy Within

The Energy Within

I will try to keep this as organized as possible, but the events that have taken place over the course of my life has been anything but organized! I will try to tell stories in chronological order, but in my younger years, things would happen that I quite didn’t understand. I really didn’t grasp it until I was a teenager. So the first stories are very basic.

I learned very early that I could Astro plane. I was about 5 when I realized that my energy could leave my body and return. I only used it for traumatic experiences, like when I felt I couldn’t deal with a situation. In school my teachers always noticed I was very intelligent but my focus was so off. I often was yelled at for daydreaming. I remember, I would drift away in class, first because I was always put at the back of the class, because of my skin color, next because I had very racist kids who used to make jokes about me constantly and it was quite annoying and redundant! I just didn’t want to be there.


But I remember God used to speak to me often, and He would show his presence through clouds and wind. All I can say to those who don’t believe is I feel sorry for you if this world has never revealed itself to you! In order for the energy of this world to reveal itself to one, you must have an open mind. That’s why children can easily see things that adults have no idea exist. I was the kid with the imaginary friend, her name was Tracey, and there were several others that used to follow me around. As a kid, it was normal for me. Because I didn’t have a lot of friends I saw nothing wrong with playing with a few translucent people in my backyard!


As I got older I started to hear low tone chatter. Honestly, it scared me to death! I couldn’t tell anyone what I was hearing so some nights I would lay in the bed with my blanket over my face, but that actually made it louder and more distinguishable. I had learned to deal with my childhood trauma but I was very weak-minded. As a teen, I felt sometimes that my life was invaluable and I started to hear the chatter turn into words. Sometimes the words would tell me I shouldn’t be on this Earth. For a long time, I thought of killing myself, because that’s what I thought they wanted me to do.


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In 1987 my Grandmother’s church gave me a Bible for my graduation. I remember I used to look at it all the time. I would thumb through the pages, and read a verse here and there. One day I decided I wanted to read it from the beginning. I started reading but the language was almost like reading a foreign tongue. So I put it down. When I was 10 my family had a near-death experience. My stepdad was driving our family van, Mom in the passenger seat and about eight of us kids sitting in the back and not one of us had a seatbelt on. Our van spun out of control and swayed on the road. My dad was able to gain control and pulled us over safely.

After that my Mom, who had never taken us to church, she only put us on a church bus every Sunday and shipped us off to the whitest church in the neighborhood, decided she was going to turn her life over to Jesus. The church we went to was far from our house, we had to find one in a black neighborhood. But the church was old and dark and dreary. I could feel every person that had ever attended that church’s energy hanging about in the pews, and floating around the choir seats. I never liked the feel of the church.

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Energy attaches to me very easily, so to say where attachments come from would be impossible. Some from the church, some from places we’ve lived, my sisters first apartment. I always see energy. When I was 19 I became pregnant with my first child. I hid my pregnancy from my Mom and my family until I was in my 7th month. By the time I told my Mom and she got me to a doctor, all prenatal care was out the window. The doctor told me I had pre-eclampsia and I had to be monitored due to my blood pressure. At 35 weeks I went for a routine appointment and at that time my doctor told me I needed to go straight to the hospital, she needed to induce my labor because me and the baby was in distress.

So with no warning and little preparation I was heading to the hospital to give birth. I was terrified, I knew that pregnancy would lead to this but I never thought any of this out. I was given pitocin which is a drug to induce labor, and was told for first baby’s labor would take a long time. Well the nurse was wrong, three hours after getting the pitocin hard contractions kicked in and baby was on her way. I was given Demerol for pain. After my daughter was born I was out for the count.

I woke up around 3 am dazed and confused, as my eyes opened up I noticed an older white man sitting on the edge of my bed. I looked at him and he said “she’s beautiful” but the baby wasn’t in the room with us. He told me “follow me, I’ll show you”. We walked down the hall of the hospital, but there were no nurses at their stations, no doctors walking around, actually there was no one in the hospital. I got scared and turned around to look back at my room. I could see my body still laying in the bed, I turned around to look at the old man but he was gone! All I saw was white rabbits all down the halls. I tried to scream but nothing came out. I tried to get back to my body but something held me back by my chest. I couldn’t breathe, I was gasping for air. I didn’t know what to do at that moment so I did the only thing that made sense to me! I cried out to God!

 I cried “please God help me”, and in an instant I was back in my body, but I still couldn’t breathe. Suddenly nurses came running into my room and I was receiving a breathing treatment. 

After becoming a mother my life took a very bad turn and put me in one of the worst places I could be in for bad energy. I went to jail in my very early 20’s. I lived life very recklessly and didn’t care about myself nor did I have any morals. I was incarcerated in Los Angeles County at Sybil Brand County Jail for Women. It was very insane! At night when I would sleep I could feel something sitting on my chest, I would pull the blanket over my face only to hear the loud breathing so close to my nostrils I could feel it’s breathe. I would quickly pull the blanket off thinking it was an actual person in the beginning, only to realize everyone was sleep and not a soul was moving around. 

The Energy in this place was so strong. One night, in the middle of the night, I heard a woman crying. I pulled the blanket from over my face to see who it was. There was a woman standing in front of my bed with a white long gown on, sobbing her eyes out. Remind you we’re in jail and no one has a white gown. She started to walk towards the bathroom, and something made me get up and follow her. As I hit the corner I came around the wall and there were so many bodies of women hanging from the bathroom bars. I knew it was all the women who must have committed suicide in there. Scared and frantic I ran back to my bed and again pulled my blanket over my face.

If I am somewhere that bad energy exist, guaranteed I’m going to see it or hear it. And it’s not always bad energy, just energy in general. I can hear it walking up stairs, I have seen a child out my back window at an apartment complex playing with a ball in the middle of the night, only to learn it was a child that drowned in a now cement filled pool at the complex. I have had energy make contact with me like pulling my hair or moving around on my bed. Throwing glass cups and toys about, and unfortunately the people around me have to be pulled into this with me. My sisters and children have witnessed so much around me that they don’t even like to talk about it. 

I have seen so much in my life starting at such a young age that nothing scares me about the unknown anymore. I lost that fear so long ago. One year on my 39th birthday I decided to go see a Palm Reader. I didn’t go in expecting much because I was very skeptical as to their validity. But I did it anyway. The moment I walked in she told me I had a strong attachment to me, some good, some bad. But she said the worst was Tracey, she called it by name. Now the problem with that is I had my imaginary friend as a child named Tracey but I also have a high school friend who has become a sister to me named Tracie. At the time me and my children was staying in her Mom’s house with her younger sister. Her Mom was the most beautiful soul I had ever encountered. But her energy in the house was so strong, as she had passed away in the house.

She told me that my energy is a gateway to something that could be dark. I knew exactly what she meant. I didn’t say a word I just listened. She told me that I have a generational curse and it was not my mother’s curse nor my mother’s mother’s curse, further back. That scared me, because men don’t make it in my family. Most of the men in my family are gone, even the young ones. But she told me to stay focused on the positive and that light always pushes out dark. She knew I was in school because she told me that the educational path that I was on would take me far and to focus on it. I walked out there feeling enlightened from what I thought was going to be a staged pony show.

Whatever it is I have is very strong, and I really didn’t embrace it until recently. Now I want to show people that it is a Super Power that we all possess and I want to show people how to recognize it and not be fearful of it. I always think to myself, if it wanted to harm me it would have done so by now. I watched the movie Insidious and it scared me so much, because it was what I encounter, and the fear of not being able to come back to my body remains a constant fear of mine. But I learned the secret of always being able to come back, and that is calling upon my Creator to guide me. It’s been a long journey, but I’m more excited now because I look forward now to where it can take me!

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